


Self-care? What is that?

by indecisivemess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Back at it with the second chapter that no one asked for, Bad feelings, Crying, Depression, Everyone Needs a Therapist, Hurt No Comfort, I make everything 10x worst, Im not even gonna sugar coat it, In a way, Manipulation, Morality | Patton Sanders Has Feelings, Not Beta Read, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Ridiculous use of magic, Savior Complex, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27163294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivemess/pseuds/indecisivemess
Summary: Patton wasn't lying to himself. He was okay. He really just wanted to fix things with Roman after what had happened the last time they had talked, and no one deserved to be alone. Even if he was the cause of the problem. Especially because he was the cause of the problem.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is in equal parts, half a vent, half a mess. Therefor, this is prolly also very OOC from every angle, and I accidentally made Roman a prick, but eh. You've been warned.

Patton didn’t know how he should feel, to put it very simply. Roman had been ignoring his pleas even since they had that little... disagreement, and then avoiding him all together any time he actually left his room, and the bad emotions were really starting to sink in.

Yes, Roman’s reactions were more than understandable, but he wanted to do something, _anything,_ that could make things right again. He wasn’t sure what it could be, since everything he had tried so far had failed, but he just... he needed it so he could stop feeling like this.

The fact that Janus was around more often was also a bag of mixed emotions. It still startled Morality from time to time, to watch his snake face and short little cape entering the kitchen in time for breakfast; sometimes, even before that. When Virgil had first joined their side, it was different. He would mostly appear to seemingly annoy the fanciful side, or just to, yknow, actually eat, but Janus presence was nothing like that. Well, Patton couldn’t know for sure, since most of the Light Sides were missing their breakfast on most days now, but that was also okay! If it was because Deceit was around now, he had no idea, but they would tell him if it was because of that, right?

Although, he almost couldn’t focus on anyone’s absence as soon as Janus mismatched eyes focused on his. It was weird, how an enemy had turned friend so quickly, but his presence was strangely soothing. He cared about Thomas, and that was enough to make him a good guy in Patton’s books. Not exactly as fast as he would like to see him, but he was getting there. They just had different approaches to things, it didn’t mean that any of them was odd or less valid over it.

But even with the lying side keeping him company, there was something scratching at his soul, and helping Roman was the only thing that could kill that itch, he just knew it. After Deceit disappeared off to God knows where, to do his own thing, Patton was more than sure on how he should go about this. He cleaned the kitchen first; did the dishes and left them to dry, and then he was bolting up the stairs. The moral side could feel his heart beating nervously, already expecting the same outcome from the last few days, but that was okay. A tiny, small part of him was yelling that this was a bad idea, that he should just give Roman his space for a while and focus on his own problems, but what did it even know, right?

He didn’t have any current problems, he was doing fine!

Before Morality noticed it, he was standing outside the royal’s room, staring at the wooden door like it could tell him if Roman was inside or not. Maybe he should have brought cookies, the dad thought to himself as he considered about actually knocking. It wouldn’t be manipulative to just, summon some into existence to lure him out of his room. No, of course not. Patton was only giving something- a symbol of his affection!

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Patton tried to believe he had opened his eyes with a new found confidence, and raised his fist to the door.

There came no noises from the other side, but that was to be expected. Roman always pretended to not be there every time the moral side passed by. That was okay.

\- Hey... – he said with a hesitant smile, not being able to sound excited. – It’s Patton.

No answer at all.

\- I uhm, wanted to come check on you – Morality found his hands already reaching for the sleeves of the cardigan wrapped around his shoulders, and forcibly shook his head, ignoring his feelings as he tried to remember how to talk. – You’ve missed breakfast. Again. And, a-a strong prince such as yourself needs food to, uhm, stay like that.

The short, weak giggles that tickled at his throat surely hadn’t passed through the door, but Patton couldn’t help but still let them out to disguise his discomfort. I mean, what else was he supposed to do? If he acted on his own feelings and let them poison his attempts at making it up to Roman, he would be called self-centered. Or selfish. Or... it doesn’t matter. His emotions don’t matter. He could, ignore them for long enough and they would either go away, or he’d prove himself useful to someone at some point, so it was okay! They weren’t going to stay forever and there were just so many sides! It was practically impossible for him to get overwhelmed by such silly, greedy, tiny little thoughts!

Somehow, Patton realized that he shouldn’t have stopped talking, and quickly rolled his shoulders back and attempted to sound more pippy, but just as he opened his mouth to speak, a muffled shuffling noise came from the other side of the door, sealing his lips instantly. The father figure could barely tell if he had imagined the sound, and he surely couldn’t confirm it now over the blood rushing in his ears, so he tried to just ignore it had happened at all and continued from where he had left off.

\- I know that, you are probably still upset, and that’s okay. But staying in your room and not talking to anyone _isn’t_ going to solve the problem.

There was another noise, much closer now, and Patton was sure that it had to have been Roman walking around the room, which meant he was there at least!

\- So, if you’d like, I’m here to-

\- Patton – the prince’s voice sounded from the other side of the door, and the moral side couldn’t help but squeak at it. – I truly appreciate your concerns, but to put it bluntly, I don’t need them.

It was like his heart froze and dropped to the floor like a rock as everything around him blurred around the edges.

\- W-What do you mean? – he asked, somehow managing to keep the same tone from before.

\- I mean – a sigh, probably a hand running through his hair. – I need to be alone for a bit. And, you passing by and attempting to rip me out of my personal quarters every other day is not helping.

The knots tangled themselves around in Patton’s confused mind. Well, that didn’t make any sense. How could he say his help wasn’t helping? This had always worked before, this is what Roman had always asked him to do.

\- I’m... I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.

There was another sigh, and neither of them was sure how the fanciful hadn’t lost his cool yet.

\- It’s just the way it is. – Roman sounded tired, perhaps a bit annoyed. – I don’t _need_ your help. I appreciate it, but I need my own space for a little bit.

The dread quickly opened a hole in Patton’s stomach, and the cold sweat was starting to break through his skin. No, that couldn’t be right. How could someone _not_ want his help? That’s all that he was good at, he _always_ helped people.

\- B-But. Yes, I will respect your boundaries, of course but – the sense of fright was fogging up his mind, making it hard to think. – You’ve always wanted help. You’ve always-

\- Yes Patton, but things change.

\- Yes, I get that, but-! But!

It was as if his brain was melting, overheating itself with senseless thoughts, and the area around his forehead was pulsing, like it was about to burst. His throat felt dry and his lost eyes were steadily going blind, and he vaguely wondered if this was how Virgil felt when he was going through a panic attack before a stream of golden light flashed right on his face. Patton had to blink multiple times until his mind could process that Roman had finally opened the door, and now that he had managed to accomplish that somehow, Morality wasn’t sure if it should be seen has an accomplishment, given the glaring eyes and the furrowed brows staring at him.

\- Just say it, Patton. – the royal spoke like he was restraining himself. – What _are_ the real intentions behind your visit?

The moral side knew his eyes had gone wide in shock at such an accusation, and the partial fundament of truth stabbed him right through the heart as he was still in the process of picking himself up.

\- I-I really just wanted to check on how you were doing-

\- That’s a lie – Roman sighed and leaned against the doorframe, watching Patton in the middle of his breakdown with numb eyes. – You know the answer already. You wouldn’t be reacting as such if you didn’t.

It was getting so hard to breathe. There were tears in his lashes and his glasses were fogging up from how much his face was flushing in embarrassment and fury, and he just wanted everything to stop. Roman was right, and that’s hurt the most about this. Deep down he knew that he had always been asking for help, that he wanted help from the people that he had assisted before, because that’s what should be fair. It was morally wrong, and something he shouldn’t act upon, but the truth was that he felt underappreciated. He felt like he had been breaking away pieces of himself to help the other sides throughout the years, because that was essentially his job, and the only reason he existed, and now that he was all alone and had nothing more to give, no one cared about him anymore.

Roman was staring at him, he had to be. He knew the door was still open, and that he must still be standing in the middle of the hallway looking like a fool, but everything was too blurry, and he couldn’t rub the tears away fast enough. A broken sob made his whole body tremble, and he quickly tried to suppress it, but he could only mumble a watery apologize before quickly sinking out to his room.

Morality doesn’t know for how long he cried. That’s what always happened when he finally broke down - it was like the den keeping everything away had suddenly opened the doors and let his emotions flow around freely and uncontrollably. He knew that this wasn’t fair to Roman, that despite promising that he’d not cross his boundaries he had gone and done just that, making himself the victim to top it all off, and by the time he ran out of tears to shed, his emotions felt like the pile of tissues lying on the floor. Cold, wrinkly and disgusting.

He either passed out or disconnected for the next few hours, but no one truly realized it. Even when he missed lunch, only Deceit had vaguely frowned around for not finding the blue ball of sunshine, but given that he was mostly a lone snake, they had most likely just not crossed paths.

When Patton also missed dinner, and most sides did show up this time around, the new pattern was starting to feel suspicious, and the fact that none of the so called Light Sides seemed to notice it was severely concerning. Not that Deceit was worried, of course he wasn’t. It simply disrupted the atmosphere of the Mind Palace, and that couldn’t happen. For Thomas’s sake and his own. It was staggeringly obvious that, as soon as anyone noticed, the blame for Morality’s absence would most certainly fall on him, and he didn’t exactly have the patience to hold back his tongue.

He supposed he could wait it out for a bit longer, see if this new pattern was here to stay. Janus had to hop back to the Dark Mind Palace anyways to check if Remus hadn’t completely destroyed the place during his unexpected house moving, and as he slithered his way over there, Patton simply wasted away in his room for the next few days.

None of the other sides noticed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Just like on the previous chapter, I'm heavily venting through this. I'm doing a bit better but uhm, lets say I discovered a lot. That being said, if you read the tags, and even if you didnt, no judging, here's a link to better understand everything that janus will be talking about in this chapter. It *will* get kinda confusing so pls read it -> https://www.healthline.com/health/savior-complex

Deceit’s visit didn’t take too long. The degree of the damages was exactly what he had expected, and the bloodlust gaze Remus had given him as he stood in the middle of all the destruction had quickly melted away, as soon as he realized he hadn’t actually been abandoned. Not without almost being maced to death and possibly clawed until he bled, but this was Remus they were talking about. Considering how he had reacted to when Virgil had left, this was far less dramatic.

If the duke had cried and cleaned his nose on his cape while they hugged, Janus swore he had no idea it had happened. Or that any hugs had occurred to begin with. No, he had just stopped Remus from inconveniently killing him, nothing more, nothing less.

For the several hours that the snake side had spent in the Dark Mind Palace, cuddling Remus until he finally fell asleep, Patton simply stared at the nearest wall. His sore eyes felt more uncomfortable than they should due to him having thrown his glasses around and losing them in some random pile of memories, but why should that matter in the end? No one cared that he was hurting, and really, if anyone did, they shouldn’t. Not after what he did to Roman.

His shoulders and back felt tense and like jello at the same time, probably from not having the energy to move around in his bed and change his position, but a part of him was deeply convinced that he deserve all of this discomfort. The moral side had only been lying when he said he was going to get better. He couldn’t get better. The possibility of such was only an illusion he kept trying to believe existed, and he just kept proving to himself it didn’t through his own actions.

A good person would be able to actively change without hesitating, and he only kept backtracking.

Morality didn’t know how much time had passed since he had talked to Roman. Every time he failed to help someone, it was like his emotions packed their things and went out the door, and with them vanished his sense of time. It had probably been a few hours, maybe a full day. Hopefully, a full day. He couldn’t hurt anyone if he didn’t talk to anyone.

What he hadn’t considered is that, surrounded by the aura of his room, and the piles of things blocking the door, several days had passed, and Deceit was starting to get mildly annoyed at his disappearance. He had been going through the trouble of descending to the kitchen and staying around enough to make it seem like he was socializing, and the father figure hadn’t deemed his efforts worthy enough to show face, apparently.

To top it all off, the snake side would cross paths with Roman, more frequently than he’d like, and the pointed glares thrown his way truly made him feel appreciated first thing in the morning. Logan, for example, barely showed any interest in him, but then again, he didn’t show interest in anyone, so that was fair, and his dear friend Virgil beautifully hissed at him every single time the dark ball of anxiety came down to grab a snack. How he hadn’t tired himself yet was beyond him.

Janus would never admit it, of course, but the blue touch of calm to balance everyone’s negative energies surely made things less lonely. His mindless rambles were irritating, at best, but no one dared to interrupt him, or make him visibly sad, so it was like Patton had everyone wrapped around his finger, at his will. And that was interesting to watch, in a way.

He supposed he should pay him a visit. One or two off days for yourself was perfectly normal, but since this was starting to become the new pattern, and so far, only Virgil seemed to be acting accordingly, it would be beneficial for both parties involved if he was the first one to show any signs of concern. And yes, while the lying side valued immensely how the worry had subdued Anxiety’s hissing capabilities, he couldn’t stand around and let another side be affected by this. No matter who it was.

Despite never having set foot on Morality’s room, and having very little information on the subject, Janus knocked on his door with the confidence he always displayed and waited for an answer. When none came during the appropriate spam of time, he knocked again, being met with the same results, and no matter how hard he tried, his eyes still rolled by themselves from impatience.

\- I’m coming in – he warned before sinking out, and raising into Patton’s room was like being sprayed in the face with an intoxicatingly sweet perfume.

Everything around him was unorganized and smelled vaguely of cinnamon, with hints of vanilla, and Deceit had to actively hold back his snake tongue from excitedly tasting the air as his eyes scanned around the room. At first glance, there was no sign of the moral side, and if that was the case, it would explain the lack of an answer to the polite attempts of inviting himself into his room, and just as Janus was about to give up, the tiniest smudge of blue peeked from under the covers. The body hidden under the pile of plushies seemed to be Patton.

It was a slightly awkward realization, given that the lying side had, at first, assumed the other would be sleeping, but as Morality lazily turned around, his caved in eyes blankly staring at him, he was quickly and concerningly proven otherwise.

\- Hey – the dad rasped out, his throat scratching like he hadn’t spoken in weeks.

\- Uhm, hello – was all Deceit could say, not wanting to admit how horrified he felt at the sight of the pale, lifeless skin, with the heavy marked eyebags to match. – You do realize it has been several days since you last left your room, yes?

Patton could only blink in his direction, his lips effortlessly pressed closed as his mind barely processed his words. His soul seemed to be anywhere else but there.

\- Patton – Janus spoke firmly, hoping that would snap the other out of his daze.

\- I don’t know.

\- ... You don’t know.

The corpse on the bed apparently shrugged, but it was extremely difficult to tell when you could only see his head, and even that wasn’t completely right. For several seconds, Deceit was frozen in disbelief, trying to understand that this was actually happening, and once he finally booted back up, his feet assertively brought him closer to the bed.

\- Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s a fact – his snake tongue peeked past his lips from how invested he was suddenly getting. – You have been cooped up in your room for the last few days, and quite frankly, the display of weakness is extremely embarrassing.

While normally Deceit wouldn’t swoop so low and go as far as insult someone who clearly needed help, Patton would also _not_ simply stare at him as he spat the words in his direction. Given his tone of voice, he would either flinch, fidget nervously, apologize, or do all three at the same time, but right now, if he was even breathing in response was surprising.

\- I don’t need to leave my room. – finally came an answer, and his dead eyes centered on a random piece of trash on the floor. – And even if its embarrassing, only you noticed, so that’s okay.

The former dark side would almost feel flattered if Patton hadn’t mumbled the last sentence with the trained perfection of an acting line. A fire burned violently inside of his chest, a physical manifestation for his hatred for the Light Sides and everything they stood for, but not for the reasons you would expect. Even without taking sides here, no one deserved to fall so deep into their own emotions before they were offered assistance of any kind, and when you had “the good guys” being so bluntly careless with their own moral compass, even if a faulty at all- it was disgusting to say the very least.

\- And why wouldn’t you need to leave? – Janus hissed firmly, crossing his arms over his chest as he made sure to stare at the only patch of skin that was not hiding under the covers.

The answer took a long, dragged out while to come, and once it did, Deceit almost wished for silence instead.

\- I’m not a good person.

\- ...How so? – he sighed tiredly, confusedly wondering how that could be the answer to his question.

\- I just... I make bad choices. I’m a toxic person. And the only thing I had going for me was being able to help people, but not even that I can do anymore.

In full honesty, Deceit had expected tears. Or a shaky voice, at best. Instead, Patton had barely even move as he spoke, sounding worn out and out of breath, like he was exhausted of living. It took all of his will power to only come closer and _not_ rip him out of bed to snap him out of this depressive state.

\- First of all, making bad decisions does _not_ make you a bad person, and I thought I had left that pretty clear during our pathetic debate. And secondly, your value has nothing to do with how self-sacrificial you are.

Morality stared up at him annoyingly, and the meek display of emotion would have made the other side sigh in relief if his slightly puffed cheeks didn’t look so funny and adorable.

\- I’m not self-sacrificial.

\- Right, of course, apologies – the snake side said sarcastically, adjusting his gloves to add to the show. – You simply believe that others are more important than you and therefore, you’re perfectly willing to rank human lives, and believe that some are more or less valuable than others. 

Only when Patton’s eyes widened far enough to make it seem like he was actually offended this time did Deceit realize perhaps he had gone too far. Not that he regretted it, he was telling the truth, but the moral side appeared much more numb than he had let out previously, and that was a bit of a harder ground to navigate. Janus still feigned his expressions, pretending that hurting Patton to some extend hadn’t affected him too, and waited for some sort of response before proceeding.

\- I don’t. I don’t think some lives are more important than others – he parroted, in a tone that made it seem like he was trying to convince them both of that statement.

\- Very well – Deceit pretended to believe him, feeling a tension across his jawline from holding back his venom. – Then answer me this. If I were in need of help, any help, and especially taking into consideration your state of mind, what would you do?

Patton stared at him like he had grown a second head.

\- Alright, I’ll make it easier for you – Janus pushed through, gesturing his hands around in sync to not lose it. – Would you rather help yourself out of that shameful bottom of emotions you got yourself into, or would you crawl out of that bed only to help me out?

For the first time since he had set foot on Morality’s room, his words appeared to finally push through the father figure, and his dim eyes regained some shine to them as he considered his options. Janus tried to ignore how alarming it was that Patton wasn’t stuttering through this, or the fact that he hadn’t immediately chosen the obvious answer.

\- I would... I want to believe that I would ask you how you are doing and do the best I could to make you feel better.

That was not the right answer.

\- And why is that?

There was an edge to his voice that sounded close to anger, something he hadn’t quite been able to hide, but Patton didn’t seem to have noticed it.

\- Because, it’s my job?

\- Oh, how thoughtful of you. Helping for the sake of helping.

He was eyeing his gloved fingers as he spoke, but the snake side could still pick up on how his venomous words were affecting the other. Seems like he was breaking through his shell, at long last, even if it was taking annoyingly long to accomplish such a feat. The snake side hadn’t expected he would need to resort to mild offenses to get the job done, but if he needed to go there, he would.

\- From what I remember, you shamed Roman for thinking like that last time we all gathered around to chat.

Janus could actually see the moral side’s small flinching this time, and his breath froze in his lungs as a sharp pain stabbed through his heart at the sight. Maybe insults were going to be more of a double edged sword.

\- I-I didn’t mean it like that – his skin was still so sickly pale, that perhaps it was adding to the scene, making Patton look more disorientated than he actually was. – I thought- It’s more of a.... a in the moment thing. You wouldn’t be more important than me normally, but- because you are hurting, you... deserve to have someone there to help you more than I do.

If his mind hadn’t tied into knots by the time Patton had stop talking, Deceit would deem it a lie, because that distorted logic sure had messed up his thought process. This attitude was even more self-deprecating than Virgil _and_ Roman’s combined, and the lying side had never even considered such a feat to be a reality.

\- So like I was saying, you are willing to rank human lives based on-

\- No.

The way the other’s voice broke from denying his reasoning, even though they both knew Deceit wasn’t wrong, it hit him somewhere deep in his gut, churning around until it made him sick. He barely realized the father figure was emoting again.

\- Then you have to accept that you are equally as important as everyone else.

Perhaps the pity was getting to him, but his words felt feather light as they escaped past his lips. Like they were wrapped in soft velvet the moment they left his tongue, like that would make Patton accept them better; if they were gifted instead of shot at him.

By his expressions, the outcome didn’t seem much different.

Morality was set on avoiding his gaze now, so he couldn’t meet his eyes, but Deceit still knew how confused the other was, by the way the corners of his mouth curled downwards, and that confused the lying side in return. How such a simple truth could be so difficult to understand. He wrecked his mind in search for an answer, multiple authors and philosophers making its way into his list of options, before quickly being discarded. He was no therapist, but it was clear Patton most definitely needed one. If his knowledge couldn’t explain to him why his point of view was so jumbled and non sensical, then perhaps Deceit could still have some fun psychoanalyzing him until they reached a conclusion for his behavior.

The sudden silence was definitely speeding up his reasoning, and before he knew it, Janus was smirking as he finally found a good course of action, his eyes set on the decaying creature on the bed.

\- I see that you are having trouble accepting that as a fact, so how about we do a simple thought experiment?

Janus didn’t want to believe he had any hidden second intentions when those were very much clear and out in the open, but Patton still seemed a bit too dazed to believe that he was there for any other reason besides disturbing his peace. Or, the artificially crafted one he had managed to trap himself around, at least.

\- I’m... not very smart, Janus – the moral side answered hesitantly, flashbacks of the video they had recorded earlier that week passing in front of his eyes, conducting him to that conclusion.

The avoidant, fogged up state of his pupils, hidden by his long lashes, indicated that he was relieving the same scene over and over again like a broken movie, the scratches rasped onto the disk apparently much more damaging than everyone had previously expected. The lying side almost felt sad for him.

\- Oh, I’m sure you can do it. I’ll help you along if necessary.

He didn’t wait around for a reaction, knowing that Morality’s mind was stuck on faulty trains of thought for the time being, and he rolled his wrists around, and then his shoulders, getting comfortable before proceeding. This was weirdly exciting, sneaking an eager tingle under his skin from anticipation.

\- Imagine you’re a surgeon in a sterile room with 2 patients. You have been granted immunity and can do whatever you want without getting in trouble. One of these patients is in dire need of an organ transplant, the other is in perfect health. They are impeccable matches for each other biologically, so their bodies _won't_ reject the other’s organs. They are both unconscious, and the nearest viable organ can't get to you until after the patient has died.

Janus drank up every single twitch and expression he managed to get out of the moral side, the smudge of confusion and frustration bringing back some color to his still depressed features.

\- What would you do? – he finished triumphally, tasting the smirk that was creeping up onto his lips. Patton looked indignant now.

The snake side watched in amusement as the other firstly grabbed at the sheets by his sides, lost eyes searching for clues around the room that could help him solve this little game, and suddenly, the father figure sat up, some degree of irritation fueling his movements. The covers pooled helplessly on his lap, allowing for his undone clothes to be shown to the world, and Deceit barely processed the alluring sight in front of him as his efforts finally proved themselves fruitful.

\- I don’t like that idea – was all Patton said, but his voice was strained.

Judging by the wrinkles around his eyes, the moral side was doing his best to hold back a frown. Perhaps more than just a frown. A new buzz of energy was quickly spreading across the room, and Janus wasn’t sure what it meant, but for now, it was fueling his amusement, and it was the clearest indicator that there had to be another reason for Patton’s puny attempt at dodging Deceit’s little fun discussion starter.

\- Why? – the snake side spoke in the sweetest tone, tilting his head as if to make his smirk shine with fake honesty. – Are you possibly afraid of the information you’ll find?

\- N-No, of course not-

\- Then answer the question.

Distant, avoidant eyes. Fidgeting fingers wrapped around the bed sheets. Caved in posture and quickly crafted answers. Patton was becoming nervous. Like a wounded prey that was rapidly realizing his capturer had won. He had the gun pressed firmly against his forehead, a last chance of fleeing coated in hopeful manipulation. The thrill of it all was getting to Janus’s head.

The moral side tried to look up at him briefly before promptly averting his gaze.

\- I-I’d probably be so struck by indecision that I wouldn’t be able to pick a side.

Now, that wasn’t a fun answer at all.

\- That won’t do – Deceit stepped closer to him, approaching Morality like he was speaking to a toddler. - Let's just say, for argument's sake, that time is frozen until you make a decision.

The flying glitter that annoying floated around the room almost felt out of place, given the sudden shift in energy coming from the cardigan lover. The intense dark waves of anger that radiated from the light side rivaled even Remus’s, especially when compared to his more crazed days, and it instinctively made Janus take a fearful step backwards, fangs bared in preparation for the danger to come. Two pairs of equally stunned eyes met, and the fury quickly dissipated, like it had never been there in the first place. Patton’s head hanged low in shame.

\- F-First option – the mumble sounded barely above a whisper.

Janus almost missed it, adrenaline still kicking in his veins, making the blood rush over his ears. Interesting.

\- Alright. Why is that?

The lying side tried to get back into the right mindset, the mischievous, unapologetic, self-assured one, but something was stopping him. He was aware perhaps profiting off Patton’s lack of emotions was a tad sadistic, but nothing had prepared him for _that_. His skin was still crawling with the possibilities of what would have happened if he had stretched his emotions just that far enough.

Not that Janus believed the seemingly innocent moral side could do anything to actually put him in danger, but knowing that he was perfectly capable of doing so, while he stood in what essentially was Morality’s territory; it was a slightly unpredictable scenario, and a terrifying one at that.

Unfortunately, in the middle of his brief panic, the snake had missed most of Patton’s troublesome reactions to his own thoughts, which would have been a lot helpful when it came to further analyze if he was lying or not, as he opened up his mouth to speak.

\- I guess... since nothing is gonna get me in trouble – Patton muttered, attempting to pick his words wisely – I’d rather- for the sake of the argument, I’d rather do something than nothing at all.

Something rumbled deep inside of Deceit’s chest. It wasn’t irritation or satisfaction, more like, a mixture of disillusioned and disappointed. He could already predict what the conclusion was - in a way, he had expected it without previously realizing it -, but that didn’t subdue his reactions. An obscure, burdened sensation wriggled between his ribs.

\- Yes, but now a man who wasn’t going to die is dead.

No matter how careful he tried to be when delivering this preface, Janus already expected the outcome to be poor. Patton snapped his head in his direction, like his mind hadn’t reached that resolution before, and the prompt shift into self-defense territory swoop across their surroundings like a gust of cold wind.

\- I don’t know! – Morality screeched, fists closed so tightly his knuckles had gone white. - Someone is going to die anyway! There’s- There’s nothing different between them besides the fact that one is hurting. Probably. And I’m assuming doctors are used to killing people by accident or not all the time, to put it very bluntly, so-!

Before he truly registered his own movements, Janus had swiftly raised his gloved hand in the air, yellow blurred by the corner of his vision. His arched fingers were trembling slightly as he willed Patton’s palm to slap his mouth shut, and he wasn’t sure why he was shaking, why his eyes felt so dry, but he couldn’t handle another breakdown. Thomas couldn’t handle another breakdown.

\- Doctors aren't used to intentionally killing healthy humans – Deceit started, making sure his hand was secure enough in his magical strength despite the awkward jittering. – You’re making the choice to harm someone, to save someone else from a fate that had already been decided.

He could feel the blow coming, rapidly rising up his chest. Patton was not going to take these words well, and Janus knew he had to be prepared to flee or face his wrath as soon as the words spilled from his lips. He would never admitted it, but he regretted his actions. Now that his safety could be on the line, facing one of the strongest sides so carelessly- he rapidly came to the conclusion that his power barely worked on Patton, only by sympathy or pure perversion was the other allowing him to even try to stop him.

His hand shook more as their eyes met.

\- You’d rather hurt someone to be a hero than stand by and let something happen. Something that would have already been happening if you weren't there.

His power was slipping. Janus could only watch as the other’s eyes widened, hostility casting shadows over his once sweet and innocent brown eyes.

Morality looked livid despite still having half of his face covered and hidden.

\- I think you might have a savior complex.

Deceit was thoroughly surprised that he had managed to keep his voice steady through all of that, but the bare bones of his confidence immediately and painfully shattered as Patton effortlessly pulled his hand away from his face, like Janus’s power was nothing. The uncovered frown faced him like Morality could easily break his spine in half if he so desired.

\- Get out of my room.

His whole body shook as something close to fear knocked the wind out of him. No, not fear. Something more primal than that. Priorities crashed inside of his mind, self-preservation going both sides before such unpredicted twist of events, but his feet were glued to the ground. Sinking out was suddenly wiped from his list of options.

Janus still attempted to hide it. To ignore his misplaced emotions and explain his logical reasoning to Patton before the impending doom crashed over his head, but wind was rushing past his ears before he had even opened his mouth, and for once in his life, the lying side recoiled in terror, shielding his face with his arms and closing his eyes, expecting to be banished to the deepest, darkest corner of Thomas’s mind for his behavior.

Instead, he was messily thrown into his room, his back crashing into the bed as his knees almost instantly gave out, not being able to handle the weight of his emotions now that the former dark side somewhat registered that he was in a safe place. Patton had simply expelled him out of his room.

He allowed himself a shaky breath at the ironic mercy of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heavily based this off a conversation I had with one of my partners, so if this came off OOC, its most likely because of that. I can feel the quality of this slipped the closer to the end we got, so im sorry about that


End file.
